New year, old look

I didn't like the new template too much. The more I played with it, the more I hated it. Black is kind of like blue jeans, it goes with everything. Blogging has taken a back seat the last couple of years. Not that I dislike blogging, it's just that Facebook is easier. I think the fact that the comments have to be so short allows me a certain pithiness that blogging just doesn't. I feel like I should type more here. So, here I go. Wastebasket Confessional is back in action. I'm back in black.

Lame but thrilled

I haven't kept my promise to blog. I apologize. Let me give you the rundown:

I start a new job next week.

How great is that? This wasn't anything posted... just from networking on Facebook (and you thought it was just to invite people to play Mafia Wars). IT is kind of an incestuous industry, and it would be too much to explain here, so let's just say I'll be consulting with a bunch of people with whom I used to work and for a company that I kind of worked for once.

I knew something would come up. And I'm glad too, because the posts on this blog have been real downers. So, starting tomorrow, I'll probably blog about cake again, since it's my final cake day and I have it on good authority that there will be plenty to be had. In the meantime, since both of you reading this have been chomping at the bit for more posts, just rest knowing that more shall follow tomorrow. Maybe with pictures and everything!

Till then...

Gallows humor

I think my idea for blogging about my experiences as a statistic have gotten a little too serious. I mean, it is serious, but I don't like being so serious and introspective all the time. So today, I share some gallows humor that seemed highly appropriate.

(Click the image to see the last frame.)













This is good, but has not been my experience at work. This is because no one ever believes the Man. It's more of a relief that you have made it so far. That the rug isn't being pulled out from under you yet. The next is better:













Yes, that feels about right.

Blessed indeed

What a great day! I was able to volunteer at the kids' school and cap off the day with a lacrosse game. Good day to be a Dad. I guess that's all this whole job thing boils down to me. I'm a Dad who loves his kids. I want to see them taken care of, and that's why I work. I have not been particularly happy with my job the last few years, so I don't feel a great loss there. What I fear is not my career being stunted: it's not having a paycheck so that I can provide for my kids.

But today was great. I got a job lead, finished updating my resume, and, besides checking my email and Facebook accounts every 15 seconds to see whether I had received any news, I was not manic about anything. Last time I was unemployed, I really hit the wall. I learned through that experience. Granted, it's only been a few days, but the last experience taught me the way God works things out. And let me tell you, He does things His own way.

Last time I was unemployed, I was actively attending seminary. I had my plans all set. Seminary, ordination, full-time vocational ministry. Even after I was unemployed, I kept telling God in my head just how He could make all of this happen through my unemployment. Our best laid plans are nothing but crap, though.

I have learned more about myself in the last five years than at any other time in my life. I'm anxious to learn more, and hopefully change from the experience. God's ways are best. I've come to accept that I might never complete my seminary education, might never enter the full-time vocational ministry. That's just fine. He has blessed me in many more ways. And I wouldn't change a thing.

It's not you, it's me

Day one wasn't too bad, despite the overwhelming lack of knowing what to do. Being laid off for me is more startling than anything. I have worked since I was fifteen years old. To be told to get lost, to be rejected, really, is difficult.

The fact that I was told that the decision had nothing to do with my performance was comforting yesterday. Not that I don't believe the Man, it's just that I was raised, like many typical Americans, to believe that hard work, that quality work, that competent work, was rewarded. Working in the computer industry has taught me otherwise. Being told that the decision was about dollars strikes me the same as the teenager whose girlfriend dumps him with the line, "It's not you-it's me." It's not comforting at all.

Where's the cake?

It has happened. The economy found me in my comfortable new office space. Only one more month and my free cappuccino is gone. The Powers-That-Be have decided that a skeleton staff is far too big for the tasks demanded of the workers in our little Charlotte outpost...they now demand marrow and blood. I became part of the blood-letting.

Before you think that I'm gonna get all "whoa-is-me" and all down on the Man, I must say that he is treating me quite fairly in all this. The package is fair, my treatment has been fair, and I will be able to slowly ween myself from the evil cappuccino machine so as not to go through the night sweats related to any sudden stops. This too is fair, I suppose.

I hope that this blog will serve some sort of purpose for these days...perhaps as an encouragement for others working through unemployment and the uncertainty that comes with it. Perhaps my writing will improve. (And the peasants rejoiced!) Most of all, I hope it serves as a testimony to what my God can do. Will do.

As many of you know, I have been considering a career change for some time, so maybe this will be my chance. Maybe my next job will see me back in the computer world. Who knows? I do know that God is faithful and that He will care for me and my family regardless of my employment situation.

The last time I was unemployed, I struggled through a streak of depression...about three months worth. Right now, my number one goal is to not let it get to that point. I will try to chart my course on this blog, try to let you into my world a little. In the end, I'll read all of these posts and try to learn something about myself and the God Who created me in His image. At times this might be funny, or adventurous, but it will also likely be hairy in places. But in order to be the person that God created me to be, I must face these challenges (James 1:2-4). I intend to come out on the other side a stronger Christian and a stronger man.

So, let's all buckle up and pass the Twinkies. It should be quite a ride.

New year, new look

For those that have visited my little corner of the Internet before: yes, I chose these colors. Why switch from the black? It was sucking the life from my soul, that's why! I aim to post more this year, so I thought something a little more subdued might be more attractive to newcomers and passers by. Call it part of my grand marketing scheme, if you will. I might change it again, so don't get too attached to it. If you think I should switch back, let me know. I'd love to get some feedback...you know, help me to feel like I'm not all alone on the World Wide Web.

New U2 single and other disappointments: UPDATE

It looks like someone has been reading this blog after all:
http://www.atu2.com/news/article.src?ID=5231

New U2 single and other disappointments

I love U2. Like other people that love U2, I have been waiting with anticipation for their new album since the last one they released way back in 2004. U2 is one of those bands that likes to integrate new sounds into their albums, to push the boundaries of their artistic creativity, and to stay current with many of the trends popular in the industry at the time so as to constantly grow their fan base. Being part of the fan base, I have read every article describing what the new album would sound like: they went to Morocco for some middle eastern inspiration, they hung out with Kanye West and recorded with Mary J. Blige and promised to integrate some hip hop (a great concern to me), and of course, the earliest indications were that it would indeed be straight ahead rock 'n' roll. On March 3 we will finally get to hear if what we read in all of those articles is really true, when No Line on the Horizon is released to the ears of the waiting public.

As a teaser, U2 released the first single early. Called "Get On Your Boots", it shows some promise. I think it's good, but I hope they released the worst stuff as singles first. It's the sixth track on the album, which does little to instill confidence, as I would think that if there were stronger singles they would be placed earlier on the album.

To answer the question that's forming in your head right now, yes, I will buy the album the day it is released and no, I have not purchased the single from iTunes. I had not even heard the song through anything but my dinky computer speakers until it was played on the radio yesterday on my way home from work. That was a better experience to be sure, but it raised another, even more nagging question than how good the single actually is. There was something in the verse of the song that bothered me, some skeleton in the top 40 closet that wouldn't go away. And then it came to me, all at once:

"She's so mean but I don't care
I love her eyes and her wild wild hair...
Living in the wild, wild west..."

Yes, I was able to place the chorus to "Wild, Wild West" after each verse. Easily. I'm talking about a group called Escape Club and their (only) number one hit, "Wild, Wild West" (1988). I have included the video below:


While I cannot say that this song is among my favorites, it does have a catchy element to it. Now, here's the U2 single. Remember, only the verses are similar:


Granted, they aren't totally identical, but I think the similarities are greater than those between George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" and the Chiffons' "He's So Fine". If you don't know how that one turned out, a federal court ruled that the former Beatle had "unintentionally copied" the earlier song.

Just for fun, I looked up the lyrics to "Wild, Wild West" and played "Get On Your Boots" while I read the lyrics out loud. Fun to be sure. (This is going to come across as blasphemy to most U2 fans, but I think Escape Club actually has a better chorus.)

So, anticipation is growing. I'm saving my pennies for the new album and will probably at least make an attempt to see them in concert (good luck with that, since Charlotte is a small enough city to get them on a third leg at best for one night at best). Still, I have U2 to blame for getting that ridiculous other song in my head. And you now have me to thank.

You're welcome.

Career change

Today was "cake day" at work. Cake day is a wonderful day. Our break room, usually chocked full of apples, grapes, and banana halves, is transformed into a cakey wonderland. Muffins. Lemon Bundt cakes. Sometimes even donuts. (Mmmm. Donuts.)

The lemon cake is the best. Moist on the inside, the icing gives it an ever so slight crunch that I find quite satisfying. These are sweet moments. Times reserved for reflection. Being stuck at work, reflection is really just code for "wishing I were anywhere else." While reflecting today about all the other places I would rather be, I had an epiphany.

Don't we live in the land of opportunity? Doesn't opportunity knock often, begging us to reach out and grab it? I decided that now is the time that I finally follow my dream.

And become a taste tester.

Preferably the kind that tastes cake.

Lots of cake.

All day long.

Thirty five hours a week. (If I can have my dream job, it's going to be one that doesn't require a full forty hours.)

So, I began my search. First up was TastyKake. Sanitation workers. Production line workers. Nope. No tasters.

Next up, Little Debbie. This looked promising, because they even had positions in North Carolina. All for drivers. Long haul drivers.

How on earth do these people expect to create an exceptional product if they are hauling stuff around all the time? I need to be where the magic happens: as close to the kitchen as possible. Little Debbie was thus dismissed from further consideration.

In a last ditch, desperate effort to make all my dreams come true, I went to the very top. The cake-baker of cake-bakers. The ultimate in gas station cuisine (next to Slim Jim) --Hostess. Hostess doesn't seem to post jobs on the Web, so I ended up at the "Contact Us" page, pouring my soul into a message that I can only hope reached the right people:

I was scanning your site for information about careers with Hostess. I have been a fan of your products for years...back when "King Dons" were still "Ding Dongs" in fact. Those were the days. Anyway, I think I have decided that I need a career change, and have decided that I should be a taste tester or some other job where I can eat cake all day long. Of course, I have always appreciated your delicious pudding and fruit pies the most, so I'm open to a job where I can eat pie all day long too. Please let me know of any job opportunities in this area and I will send you a resume, picture, and proposed workout schedule. My current employer will require at least two weeks notice, and I would like to start by at least Christmas. I look forward to your response!
Brad

I will keep you appraised of how this SOS grabs the attention of the CEO, whom I imagine will hire me post-haste. In the meantime, my coworker sent it to her sister, a corporate whiz, for her thoughts:

This is great. Whether they actually hire him or not is debatable. But, if I were guessing, I'd say the email is at least going to get some visibility in the company. This is the type of message that gets forwarded all over a company. If nothing else, they might use it, or him, in a commercial or ad.

Advice : the resume should include some experience with Little Debbie, Sara Lee, and Krispy Kreme in order to position himself as an expert. Broad experience across an entire industry is a plus on any resume. He might also want to offer expertise in breads as Hostess is owned by the same company that owns Wonder Bread.

Tell him good luck. I'm pulling for him. Everyone should have a chance at their dream job.

Yes. My dream job. I have big ideas. If her thoughts about making me a character in a commercial come true, I could be bigger than Jared! And by bigger, I mean literally. The Anti-Jared. This has so much potential.

Bana-fana-fofana

Gaze upon the following picture and think about what it is that you see:


Yes, bananas. But if you concentrate really hard, you will see that half of the banana in the center of the picture is missing. Mysterious, isn't it?

This photo was taken in the break room at work. I have one of those employers that supplies snacks for its workers. Good deal, right? But there is someone that consistently comes in and cuts a banana in half...and leaves the half they aren't eating.

Who does this? Am I to believe that a whole banana is just way too big to consume in one sitting? Are they watching their weight perhaps?

The more pressing question is: Who on earth wants the other half?

I can see if they set out a large bowl of fruit salad (yummy-yummy). With fruit salad, you load up a serving for yourself and leave the rest. But whole fruits are different. Especially bananas. Their very texture lend them to being a "one eater only" type fruit.

For example, I can eat a half-eaten hamburger that one of my children leaves, but if they start on a banana, it's theirs. Eating the rest of that banana would certainly induce gagging.

Consider this as a public service announcement from Wastebasket Confessional...if you cannot eat a whole banana, don't take it. If you really need potassium and the only thing available is the banana from the break room, PLEASE take the whole thing. No one else wants the remaining half.

For Dan...

Angst at the pump

I have had it. I can take no more. I am so tired of filling up my car. Someone has to do something to stop the madness. I'm not talking about gas prices, either. It's the flippin' pumps. It's like playing 20 questions just to fill up. Consider the typical fill up:

(Swipe card.)
Pump: Is this a debit card? Press Yes or No.

(Press Yes.)
Pump: Enter pin number then press Enter.

(Enter pin number.)
Pump: Would you like a car wash?

(Press No.)
Pump: Would you like to buy a Slurpee?

(Press No with force.)
Pump: They are super good! We have Coca Cola and Blue Raspberry!

(Swear at pump. Press No.)
Pump: That is a mean word!

(Kick pump.)
You: "I just want to fill up my tank!"
Pump: Lift handle, raise lever, select grade, and begin pumping.

(Smile smugly knowing that you have forced the pump to do your bidding. The questions are over. You will finish this and be on your way!)
Pump: Would you like a receipt? Enter Yes or No.

(This last part really bugs me. In North Carolina, if you drive off without paying, you lose your license automatically. Fine. But what if they mistake you for the guy that drives off without paying? I like to have ready proof of purchase. But then, I'm paranoid.)

(Press Yes.)
Pump: Take receipt.

Are all these steps necessary? Isn't there some way that you could go to the gas station and just buy gas without jumping through all the hoops? It was easier just to pay cash.

What's really important in DC

Redskins trump politics.

Play ball!

For those that have known me any length of time, you know that I am fairly harsh when it comes to baseball. Yes, I have ranted about the slowness of the game, the lack of athletic prowess involved, and the seeming determination of Major League Baseball to kill what's left of it.

I have proven in the past that I'm not above using this blog as a real confessional, so I will now confess something that is harder to admit than just liking the music of John Denver...

I think I'm starting to like baseball.

Yes, after years of living in denial, the nagging of certain friends, and bashing the game more than even Euro-football, it took my sons' involvement to help me see the beauty and fun of the game. So, here's a recap of opening day...


St. John Neumann Defenders
Charlotte, NC is renowned for its warm climate, drawing Yankees from far and wide to this "New Southern" town. Last Friday saw temperatures close to 80. Saturday saw temperatures in the 60s...for about 10 minutes. By the time the game ended, it was 57 degrees and falling. But not our spirits! The boys played an excellent game. Though the books marked it a loss, it was a spirited contest which saw this group of 9-12 year-olds take on a team that the previous year won the area championship. I'll let the coach give you the recap:

Just wanted to let you guys know what I thought of our first game on Saturday. In just a few words, I thought it was great. First pitch of the game was a strike. First batter we faced struck out. In two different innings, with two different pitchers, we held the other team without scoring. In the last inning it only took us only10 pitches to shut them down and all three outs came from defensive plays by the DEFENDERS. I got to watch the whole team leave the dugout to high five and congratulate one our own after he hit a towering home run into the parking lot. By the way, we know where not to park when we play on that field. We also had our first double play, and might I add that it was unassisted to end the inning. In 6 innings the other team only struck out 4 times. That means we made 14 plays from the field for outs (OUTstanding). It's hard to believe all this happened in only our first game, but it still gets better. We even had a play at the p late and nailed the runner trying to score.

My son played left and right fields, and even had a turn on second base. While he was struck out once, he had a mean hit right down the third base line. Not too shabby for his first time playing since tee-ball. It looks to be a great season.

Idlewild Baptist Bulldogs (the "Dawgs")
The first game was cold, this one was colder. But even with the wind blowing right through us the whole time, the Dawgs put on an impressive display of skill and determination. My son played catcher for three innings, which he especially liked because, as he said, the equipment kept him warm. But what difference is a little weather? The fans were fired up, the kids were prepared, and the peanuts were boiled (?!?).

As I already mentioned, my son played catcher for three innings, a surprise to me because I had never seen him practice that position before. But he did an outstanding job. It brought back memories of watching my brother play the position when he was a lad. As for hitting, he struck out once and walked. He advanced to second at one point before the inning ended. It was a fun game to watch.

You can see pictures and get updates on the Dawgs on their online home.

Overall, it was a great day, and one that has dawned a new chapter in my own life. My Dad used to take us to nearby Baltimore to see the Orioles play, and I didn't fully appreciate it then (sorry Dad). But, a new day is dawning and I'm a new man. DC has its own team, and even my Dad's converted to their cause. Maybe I'll make the pilgrimage along with him. And I can thank my boys for the journey.

Tormented writer

I was looking at a sign at one of the local Jack in the Box restaurants the other day. The sign boasted an offering of breakfast "Day or Nite."

I hate it when "night" is misspelled that way.

Then I thought, "Did they spell it that way to be cute? Or did someone do it because they really think it's spelled that way?" So, now I'm not sure how I should take it: were they trying to be clever, or are they really ignorant? Should I be filled with mirth or pity?

I wonder what they really get out of spelling it incorrectly. Besides reinforcing the great ignorance of the English language that is already so prevalent in our society and ensuring that other ignoramuses pick up on it and begin spelling it that way, they only saved themselves the cost of printing one extra letter.

"Nite" is four letters. "Night" is five. You can swap the "e" in the former for the "g" in the latter and buy an "h". Maybe they would even save a buck or two by not purchasing that "e" in the first place. Everyone knows that buying a vowel costs more than a consonant.

This is the same kind of consternation I experience when I go through (not "thru") the "10 Items or Less" lane at the super market. Ten items or LESS? It should be "Ten items or FEWER"!

Writers have a hard time going out.

Pod together now

As of my birthday in January, I am the proud owner of an 80 GB (80 GBs!), 5th Generation Apple iPod. It is so choice. I highly recommend picking one up if you have the means. (Apologies to John Hughes.)

I read an article in the August 17, 2007 Charlotte Observer that intrigued me about iPods and the people that own them. (Yes, it's old news. I intended to post on it way back then, but never did. Owning my very own iPod reinspired me.) The title of the article was "iPods Exposed". In it, columnist Jeff Elder went up to the plugged-in people on the street and interrupted their musical bliss by asking, "What are you listening to?" Hilarity ensues. (One guy admitted to Elder that he was listening to "Elmo's Song." I shudder to think of it...)

The thrust of the article is that our iPods are supposed to say something about our personalities. I thought this was interesting. What was more interesting was that some psychologist at UNC Chapel Hill told him that asking what someone has on their iPod is "voyeuristic". "It's like asking, 'What kind of underwear do you have on?'" What underwear, smart guy?

But seriously, if our iPods are extensions of our personalities, and our play lists are so secretive, what does that say about who we really are versus the way we present ourselves? Are we afraid to admit who we are? Have we found one more face of the Stranger?

I have decided that it is my duty as a responsible blogger to help all people to embrace who they are. That's right, discerning readers. I want to know what you have on your iPods or other MP3 players. Don't be bashful. Reveal your darkest Elmo secrets to me.

And while you're at it, I also need some advice. Do any of you have any rules about what you put on your iPod? For instance, I have one friend that refuses to put more than two songs from any one artist on her iPod. I met another guy that puts only whole albums on his. Does anyone have any kind of arbitrary rules that you follow regarding your iPod?

Horn broken...

Sometimes it's better when people don't identify themselves as Christians.

Myself included.

Adventures in Sunday School Planning

The following two sentences were taken directly from some online material I was using to get ideas for tomorrow's Sunday School lesson. See if you can find what's wrong:

Make the Jesus Craft. It may seem a tad odd making Jesus out of a toilet paper roll, but I think the end result is quite nice.

Goodbye, Farewell, We'll Meet Again

I just read here that Larry Norman died last Sunday. Norman was legendary in his ability to communicate his faith in an edgy and thought-provoking way, all the while eschewing the Christian contemporary music (CCM) establishment that claimed his work as their genesis.

Norman would never get air play on today's Christian radio stations: he wasn't packaged or predictable enough. Singing lines such as "Gonorrhea on Valentine's Day, you're still looking for the perfect lay" didn't endear him to the establishment, but that was his charm. One famous CCM Magazine article in October of 1995 labeled him a "troubled troubadour" and implied that he was insane. In response, Larry dressed in some old clothes and posed for, and then posted on his website, pictures of himself sprawled next to the dumpsters behind a thrift store, looking unshaven and homeless.

It was this down and outer attitude that made him so approachable to people that weren't in the church, precisely the people to whom he believed he was called to minister. He is quoted in this article as saying, "The churches weren’t going to accept me looking like a street person with long hair and faded jeans. They did not like the music I was recording. And I had no desire to preach the gospel to the converted." Quite a different take than today's CCM industry, which caters to the white, suburban, Republican evangelicals looking for "family-friendly" fare.

That he was influential in his art is unquestioned. He had an influence that went far beyond that of many of the CCM artists of today who sell millions of dollars worth of product a year. How many of them can claim collaborations with Frank Black of the Pixies or Dizzy Reed of Guns 'n' Roses? How many can claim friendships with both Jimmy Carter and Oliver North? In his book Body Piercing Saved My Life: Inside the Phenomenon of Christian Rock, SPIN journalist Andrew Beaujon related the story of a CCM executive who drove Bono to a meeting of Christian artists to discuss the ONE campaign. On the drive over, Bono asked if Larry Norman would be there. That's influence.

I had the opportunity to meet the man himself at a concert he performed at a coffee house in Lindenhurst, IL in 1997. He was very personable and even poked fun at me when my lovely wife told him that I had once mused that we could name our son "Larry Norman". He looked at me and said, "You would do that to a child?"

Until I got an iPod earlier this year, I hadn't listened to much of his music in a while. But in ripping all my CDs to it and listening again, I have realized how fresh and relevant it still sounds, although his best stuff was recorded from the late 60s to the mid 70s. If you have never listened to him, I highly recommend you check out a copy of Only Visiting This Planet. In fact, go to his online store and buy a couple of copies. He didn't die in luxury as most in the music industry do, and the money his family gets through the sale of his music will help cover his lingering medical bills and the cost of a funeral.

He will be missed by many people that hold him dear. He was influential on my own thinking after I first came to faith, and I have listened to his music for countless hours in the last 16 years. I am saddened at his passing, but confident that the mark he left on the world will be felt for years to come.

Larry Norman
1947-2008