Angst at the pump

I have had it. I can take no more. I am so tired of filling up my car. Someone has to do something to stop the madness. I'm not talking about gas prices, either. It's the flippin' pumps. It's like playing 20 questions just to fill up. Consider the typical fill up:

(Swipe card.)
Pump: Is this a debit card? Press Yes or No.

(Press Yes.)
Pump: Enter pin number then press Enter.

(Enter pin number.)
Pump: Would you like a car wash?

(Press No.)
Pump: Would you like to buy a Slurpee?

(Press No with force.)
Pump: They are super good! We have Coca Cola and Blue Raspberry!

(Swear at pump. Press No.)
Pump: That is a mean word!

(Kick pump.)
You: "I just want to fill up my tank!"
Pump: Lift handle, raise lever, select grade, and begin pumping.

(Smile smugly knowing that you have forced the pump to do your bidding. The questions are over. You will finish this and be on your way!)
Pump: Would you like a receipt? Enter Yes or No.

(This last part really bugs me. In North Carolina, if you drive off without paying, you lose your license automatically. Fine. But what if they mistake you for the guy that drives off without paying? I like to have ready proof of purchase. But then, I'm paranoid.)

(Press Yes.)
Pump: Take receipt.

Are all these steps necessary? Isn't there some way that you could go to the gas station and just buy gas without jumping through all the hoops? It was easier just to pay cash.